Ten memorable quotes from David Letterman. He announced Thursday, April 3, 2014 that he is retiring from the “Late Show.”
10. “I think the longer we just sit here, the more uncomfortable it will make Jay.” — Letterman after sharing awkward silence with Conan O’Brien following the fellow talk show host’s mix-up with Jay Leno in 2012.
9. “You’re going to be sick for weeks. You won’t be out of the egg for a month.” — Letterman to Lady Gaga after the outlandish pop star put his notes in her mouth during an appearance in 2011.
8. “The creepy stuff was that I have had sex with women who worked for me on this show. Now, my response to that is yes I have. I have had sex with women who worked on this show. Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would, especially for the women.” — Letterman addressing an extortion scandal that led him to bare his infidelities on the show in 2009.
7. “Joaquin, I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight.” — Letterman to Joaquin Phoenix after the “Walk the Line” star’s bizarre 2009 interview in which he claimed he was dropping acting to become a hip-hop musician.
6. “This doesn’t smell right. This is not the way a tested hero behaves. Somebody’s putting something in his Metamucil.” — Letterman after Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain canceled his appearance at the last minute in 2008.
5. “How’d you like being in jail?” — Letterman to Paris Hilton following her prison time in 2001.
4. “If you didn’t believe it before — and it’s easy to understand how you might have been skeptical on this point — if you didn’t believe it before, you can absolutely believe it now: New York City is the greatest city in the world.” — Letterman during his monologue on his first show back after the Sept. 11 attacks in 2001.
3. “While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.” — Letterman during his monologue on his first show after heart surgery in 2000.
2. “I can’t thank you enough for that.” — Letterman after Drew Barrymore flashed her breasts to him on his birthday in 1995.
1. “I wanna thank you folks for coming in for this run-through show. Thank you very much. This, of course, will never see the light of day. You won’t miss a thing tonight.” — Letterman to the audience after Madonna repeatedly cursed during an interview in 1994.